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If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.

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I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.

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A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

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If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.

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Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.

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How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes

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Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.

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Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.

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I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.

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I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?

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Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.

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Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.

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I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

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I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

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I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.