If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
