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If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.

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I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."

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I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.

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Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.

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Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.

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War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

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When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.

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The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.

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I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

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A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.

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Always remember to smile.

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Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.

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He who laughs last didn't get it.

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You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.

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Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

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The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.