I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
The last thing I want to do is die.
You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
Love needs to get glasses.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
