I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
