Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
True friends stab you in the front!
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
