Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
Would you like a table? ... "No, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground, a carpet for 5 please." -_-
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
True friends aren't bought, they are earned.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
