I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
