I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
