I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
True friends stab you in the front!
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....
