I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
