I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
Take it easy, give it hard.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
Good things don't always have to come to an end.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
