I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
