I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
