"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!
