"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
