Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.
