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Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.

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You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.

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Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.

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Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.

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To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!

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Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.

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It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.

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I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.

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A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

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To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.

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It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.

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Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

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That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.

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Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.

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A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.