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Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

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So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"

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I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.

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Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.

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Perception is everything.

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Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.

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Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?

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Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!

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A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!

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Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.

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Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.

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Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.

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You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.

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Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.

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When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.

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I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

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God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....