Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
Wild hearts can't be broken.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
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