Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
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