Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
F that B.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
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