Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.
I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.
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