Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.