Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
True friends stab you in the front!
I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
Love needs to get glasses.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
You're only as good as your last game.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.