Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
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