Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Everybody is a student for life.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
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