Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
True friends stab you in the front!
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
