Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
