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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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The last thing I want to do is die.

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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.

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Real eyes realize real lies.

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"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."

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If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!

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From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.

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I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

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You inspire me to be a better pervert.

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Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

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I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.

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Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.

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You're only as good as your last game.

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Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.

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Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.