Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.
