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Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.

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That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.

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24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.

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Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.

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My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.

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I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.

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I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.

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A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.

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Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.

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Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.

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I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

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A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.

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You inspire me to be a better pervert.

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I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.

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I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.