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Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.

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I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.

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Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.

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Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.

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Dreams lift when reality falls.

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From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.

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God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

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Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.

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I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.

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Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

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Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.

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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.

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The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.