Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
The world is full of guys, be a man.
Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.
