Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
Wherever you go, there you are.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
Haters make you famous.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
