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Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.

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A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.

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A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

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I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.

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If you got haters, you must be doing something right.

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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Trust in God but lock your car.

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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

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Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.

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Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.

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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

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The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.

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Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.

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It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.

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You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.

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If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.

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Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.

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I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.

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11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.