Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
