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Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.

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Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.

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I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.

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Aspire to inspire before you expire.

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True friends aren't bought, they are earned.

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You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.

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Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

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My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.

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Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.

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I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."

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Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

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Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

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If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.

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When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.

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Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?

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No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.