Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
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