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Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.

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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.

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Maturity is knowing when to be immature.

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Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.

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Face your problems, don't facebook them.

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Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?

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A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!

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Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.

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Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.

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You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.

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Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.

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I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.

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Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.

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A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

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I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.

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Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.

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Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

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Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.