Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
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