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Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.

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I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.

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Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...

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Immaturity keeps me young.

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Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.

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Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.

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I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.

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I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.

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Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.

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Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

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Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.

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Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.

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There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.

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My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.

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The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.

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Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.