Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
You live and you learn.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.
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