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Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.

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He who laughs last didn't get it.

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Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.

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A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.

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Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?

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Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.

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Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.

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When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".

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Love needs to get glasses.

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Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

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Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.

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I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.

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Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?

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So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.

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Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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Playing comes first, you can work later.

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The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.

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I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.