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Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.

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You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.

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The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.

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A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

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It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

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"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."

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If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.

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I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.

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Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.

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Love needs to get glasses.

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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.