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Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.

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Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.

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Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.

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I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.

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Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.

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I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.

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I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.

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Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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Would you like a table? ... "No, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground, a carpet for 5 please." -_-

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I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.

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An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.

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Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.

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Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.

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I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?

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Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.

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Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.