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Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.

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Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)

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That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.

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I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.

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Love needs to get glasses.

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Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.

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Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.

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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

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"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.

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I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?

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Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.

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If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?

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Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.

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Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.

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The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.

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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

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You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...

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Take it easy, give it hard.

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Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.