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Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.

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I swear to drunk I'm not god.

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Fall in love with my mind.

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Winners do what other people won't.

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Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.

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When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."

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Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.

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Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.

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The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.

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Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.

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That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

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I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.

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He who laughs last thinks slowest.

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2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.

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I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.