Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.
