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Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.

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A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.

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Dreams lift when reality falls.

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Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

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Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.

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Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.

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Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.

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Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.

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Got an issue? Get a tissue.

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I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.

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The last thing I want to do is die.

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Don't judge a book by its movie.

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If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

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The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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F that B.

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Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.