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When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.

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Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.

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Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.

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Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.

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The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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If you can't beat them, taze them.

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Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.

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2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.

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Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."

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We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.

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Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

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Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

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Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.

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The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.

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24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.