Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
I eat problems, then shit out success.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
Dreams lift when reality falls.
Haters are just confused admirers.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
