Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
F that B.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
