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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.

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2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.

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Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.

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The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.

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I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.

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We put the "us" in trust, baby.

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Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.

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I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."

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Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.

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May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.

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It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.

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Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.

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A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

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Make money, don't let it make you.