Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
F that B.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
