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The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.

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There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

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The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.

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When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.

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There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

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That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.

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The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

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Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.

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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

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True friends stab you in the front!

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I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.

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You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.

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My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.