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The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.

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A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!

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If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.

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Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.

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If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?

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Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.

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Haters are just confused admirers.

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Patience gets you everywhere on time.

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I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.

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There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

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Wherever you go, there you are.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.

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Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.

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I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.

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Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?

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Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?

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The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.

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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.