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The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.

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That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.

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If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.

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"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.

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I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.

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I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.

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Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.

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You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.

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Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.

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Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.

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I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.

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Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.

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Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?

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Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.

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It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.

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History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.

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The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.