I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
Trust in God but lock your car.
