I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I
I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
F that B.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
You live and you learn.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.
