I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
