I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Take it easy, give it hard.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
