To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
Haters make you famous.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.