In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
