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Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.

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NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.

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Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.

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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.

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Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.

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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.

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Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.

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When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.

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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

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Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.

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Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.

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No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.