Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
