He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.
Good things don't always have to come to an end.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
Immaturity keeps me young.
