He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Love needs to get glasses.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
