F that B.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
