Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
Fall in love with my mind.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
