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Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.

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How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?

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I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.

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Everybody is a student for life.

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I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face

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I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.

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If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

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Face your problems, don't facebook them.

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My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.

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You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.

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If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.

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You don't have to understand to be understanding.

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The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.

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I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.

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Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.