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Wherever you go, there you are.

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I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."

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I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.

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Haters hate because they are what you ain't.

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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.

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The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....

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Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.

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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

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I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.

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A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!

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If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.

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Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.

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Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?