Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Winners do what other people won't.
Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
