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No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.

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If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.

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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

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This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".

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Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.

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Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

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When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.

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Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!

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You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

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If you got haters, you must be doing something right.

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.

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Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.

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Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.

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Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.

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Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.

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I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.