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My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.

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Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.

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I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.

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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

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Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.

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How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes

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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

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If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

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Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?

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Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.

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When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".

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I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?

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If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.

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I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.

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Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.

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I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.