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My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

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Don't judge a book by its movie.

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A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.

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When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.

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I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.

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I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.

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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.

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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

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I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

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We put the "us" in trust, baby.

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You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.

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Everybody spread positivity.