My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.
Winners do what other people won't.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
Immaturity keeps me young.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
