Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
