Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
I eat problems, then shit out success.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
