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I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.

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My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.

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Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.

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God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....

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What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

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It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.

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Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.

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Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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Cool story bro, changed my life.

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That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.

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Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.

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My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.

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I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.

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Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.