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I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.

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Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.

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Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.

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I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.

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To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!

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Cool story bro, changed my life.

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.

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When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.

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When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.

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Nice shoes! Wanna screw?

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Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."