Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!