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Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.

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You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

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2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.

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Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.

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Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.

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If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!

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Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.

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I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

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I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.

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I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

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Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard

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Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.

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I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?

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Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?

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I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.

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Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.

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Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

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Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.