Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
