Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
