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Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.

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We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.

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Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.

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Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

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I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

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To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.

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Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

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I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

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24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.

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Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.

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When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.

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Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

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How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes

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That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.