Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
Negativity is poison for the soul.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
Haters make you famous.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
