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I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.

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Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

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I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

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That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.

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2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.

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Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.

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Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.

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Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.

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It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.

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If your not going to win the argument, lie.

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Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.

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Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?

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Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

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You do not learn anything by doing everything right.

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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.

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If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.