I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
Make money, don't let it make you.
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
