I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
Immaturity keeps me young.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
