The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
I eat problems, then shit out success.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
