Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
You're only as good as your last game.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
