You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Born to be different, like everyone else.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
