You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
