You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
