You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Wherever you go, there you are.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
