You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Perception is everything.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.
I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
