A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Wherever you go, there you are.
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
You don't have to understand to be understanding.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
You can't define love, but love can define you.
