A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.
You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
Winners do what other people won't.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Be positive for no reason.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
