A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
Winners do what other people won't.
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
