Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
It's weird not to be weird.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
