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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.

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Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.

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Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard

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You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...

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No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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I put the laughter in manslaughter.

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Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.

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Fall in love with my mind.

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Take it easy, give it hard.

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Good things don't always have to come to an end.

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Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.

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Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.

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If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.

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Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.

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Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.

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I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.

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Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.