I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
