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I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.

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Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.

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Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.

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Some take the bait, others reel it in.

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

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Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.

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Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.

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Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.

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I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.

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It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...

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Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.

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My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

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Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.

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I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.

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Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.