I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Sleep, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, smiles, laughter, fun... the best things in life are free.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
