I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
