2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Don't wait for anybody to complete you.
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
