2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
