2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
