2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
