Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
