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Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.

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Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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If your not going to win the argument, lie.

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I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.

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That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.

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Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.

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The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.

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You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.

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Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.

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If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?

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Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.

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You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.

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There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.