Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
Patience gets you everywhere on time.
Don't wait for anybody to complete you.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.
