Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.
Real eyes realize real lies.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
