Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
Real eyes realize real lies.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
