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Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.

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Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.

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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

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F that B.

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Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.

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I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.

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That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.

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Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.

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Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

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When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

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Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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I eat problems, then shit out success.

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They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

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You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.

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I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.