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Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.

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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.

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This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".

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It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.

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Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.

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Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.

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The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.

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Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

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I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

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Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.

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Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

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When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

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Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

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Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck