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I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

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Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

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2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.

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People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.

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Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

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There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.

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You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?

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Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.

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You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

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I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

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An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.

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It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.

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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.

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Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.

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The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.

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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

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The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.

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When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.